Saturday, June 1, 2013

Running for What?

I wonder a lot about joggers when I encounter them as I'm driving down the road in my comfortable vehicle.  Why do they do it?  I mean, have you ever looked at the face of someone jogging down the road?  They look like they're in pain.  Not mere discomfort, mind you, but excruciating, puke your guts out, "please kill me now" pain.  Why do anything that makes you look like that?   "Oh, I do it for the exercise," they say.  "Wanna stay healthy,"  they say.  "Gotta stay in shape," they say.  Uh-huh.  Ok...lets get this straight.  So, to stay healthy you jog next to a 6-lane highway, sucking in exhaust fumes that make you hack like a 2-pack-a-day smoker.  Fumes that contain carbon monoxide which prevents oxygen molecules from hopping on the hemoglobin receptors of your red blood cells, decreasing the amount of oxygen transported to your vital organs, like say, your brain. Wait...I think I can actually hear the screams of tiny dying brain cells. 

And then there is the game of full-body trauma roulette.  You know, the kind that occurs when you get run over at 45+ miles per hour because the driver is texting and decided in the deep, dark recesses of his mind that his commute might go smoother if he drove on the sidewalk.  Thump, thump.  Tire tracks & road rash, for a start. I understand tattoos and dermabrasion are popular procedures, but I highly suggest getting them done in a different location.

Another thing...where are they running to?  At least I can understand cross-country runners.  They are nowhere, but heading to somewhere.  Or maybe they're just running from Bigfoot or mountain lions or bears or whatever.  Joggers...they just run...kinda in a circle.  Oh, stay healthy or in shape.  Yeah...whatever.

Yup, sounds like healthy to me.  Think I'll take jogging up, oh, I don't know, maybe, probably...never.  But put Sasquatch or lions or tigers or bears (oh, my!) into the equation, and I'll be happy to take up running immediately and show you how its done.  That is, if you can catch me!

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